Post #5 of 40

Giving Up My Tolerance For Intolerance

(Some details in this post have been changed on purpose.)

The first grade teacher and lower school coordinator entered my office looking defeated. They had both attended a parent conference that morning in which the two parents stated that they did not want their son to learn about “other” religions in the upcoming world religions unit.

I was a fairly new head of school at the time and was a little surprised that first graders were tackling world religions at such a young age, but my personal beliefs and knowledge of child development gave me no concerns about the curriculum.

“They are evangelical Christians, Kathryn,” Ann said, “and I think they are going to call you to ask you to excuse Dan from the lessons on Judaism, Buddhism, Hinduism, and especially the Muslim religion. They said they don’t want to keep Dan from knowing about other religions his whole life, but now isn’t the right time, and they especially don’t want him learning about religions from us.” The lower school coordinator was progressive - downright liberal - especially when compared to others in Alabama. She was also one of the smartest educators I’d ever met.

“So, are they saying that learning about the other religions is against their religion?” I asked Ann and the teacher.

“Yes,” they replied in unison.

“Then, how do we go against their religion if the reason we teach about a variety of religions is to show respect for all religions?” And, then I followed up with the questions heads with budgets think about, “If we require Dan to be in the lessons, do you think the family will leave the school?”

“Not sure about that, but I think they’d keep him out those days or at least pick him up before the lessons,” the first grade teacher said.

I shook my head, “Then I don’t see how we can win on this. Yes, we want the kids to have respect for all religions, but if we require Dan to complete these lessons, we are asking him to go against his religion, and then the family will likely leave and certainly pull him out during the lessons. If we excuse him from the lessons on the basis of respecting their religion, then maybe they will stay. I just don’t see how we can require this unit for him.”

Both of the women disagreed with me, and Ann, the lower school coordinator was more outspoken about it. “At what point do we allow parents to decide what their children are taught in a school where professionals - true experts - have made these plans?” she wanted to know.

I didn’t have great answers for her, but the freedom of religion kept coming up for me.

Indeed how could we require a student to go against his religion in an effort to show respect for all religions?

By the end of the day, my assistant had added an early morning meeting for the next day on my calendar with Dan’s parents.

I arrived earlier than usual the day of the meeting. I was a little nervous. I looked for a calming song on my computer’s iTunes. I found a Kirtan and played it softly. I said a prayer - in my Christian way - for peace and understanding for these parents whose beliefs were in opposition to mine and to the school’s.

I ended up being the good cop with the parents, letting them know that I didn’t agree with them, but because we respected all religions, we would respect their religious choice to exclude Dan from the world religion lessons.

BUT that was in the early 2000s. So much has changed since then, and while I truly believed in my logic at the time, I have changed.

I am now a “card-carrying” Episcopalian and Democrat (previously Independent) who believes love is love, women get to choose what they do with their bodies, Black Lives Matter, people (even young people) get to share their preferred pronouns and nicknames, and you don’t have to agree or even understand in order to show love and respect and compassion.

I believe in science and medicine and vaccines and God.

I am tired of all opinions being valid - as if lies can become truth if repeated enough times, by the right people, and loudly enough.

And, I am tired of intolerance being tolerated.

I met with some school administrators recently on Zoom, and one of them said that a family had threatened to leave their school if they didn’t take down the “Black Lives Matter” sign. Since I was in an advisory role, it was easy for me to say, “Let them leave. I don’t tolerate intolerance anymore, and neither should you!”

The other administrators on the call laughed at my overly aggressive statement. They questioned how I had come to this and asked if I could be considered a tolerant person if I am intolerant of the intolerant.

This change has been recent, and until that Zoom meeting, I hadn’t put it into words.

The years 2016 to 2020 changed me, though. I was pushed to see what happens when society is too tolerant with intolerance. My releasing of Dan from the world religions unit may not have hurt him or society, but what happens when we omit swaths of truth from our curricula, when we spread lies that cost people their lives, when we make policies that put the mental and physical health of the vulnerable in jeopardy?

Yes, I gave up my tolerance of intolerance.

Not only did I give it up, I (figuratively) jammed it in a giant balloon and sent it up, up, and away. What happens next to that tolerance of intolerance in the balloon is anybody’s guess.