Post #16 of 40

Giving Up Deciding Who To Be

During the last year and a half, I have assisted Aruni at Kripalu six times. Aruni is a sage - one of the wisest humans I know.

(I hope you will look her up, read her books, and attend her workshops.)

Basking in Aruni’s wisdom gave me tools to continue my journey of self improvement - of trying to be the best person I can be while continuing to live my own personal mission - to support women and children become happier, healthier, and more educated.

During these six visits, I had the time and space to think about who I really want to be.

At some point, I had these two realizations:

I don’t need to figure out who I want to be.
I need to be who I am.

When I was a teen and attending church retreats and youth conferences, I remember one of the ministers saying, “If it suddenly became against the law to be a Christian, would there be enough evidence to convict you?”

(Some of what folks said at these events was manipulative, and perhaps this is one of those instances, but stay with me.)

I massaged the question: “If it suddenly became against the law to be who you say you are, would there be enough evidence to convict you?”

Before I could answer that, though, I had to clarify who I believe myself to be.

Who do I say I am?

I am…

a yogi
a water person
a singer
a teacher
a reader
an advocate for/supporter of women and children
a dog person

My list of identities continued, and if you stop and make your list, I bet you will have a long list of who you believe yourself to be.

After looking at the lists, I chose one for this experiment - I am a water person

Then, I looked at my

calendar
emails
phone calls and texts
credit card bill
my streaming history
social media follows/groups/pages
my bookshelves
home decor and art

Could I “prove” that I was a water person?

When was the last time I swam laps? How often had I gone to the beach? When was the last time I bought or wore a swimsuit? Had I been on a boat or to Mystic Aquarium or the New Bedford Whaling Museum? What books had I read with water as a theme? What water-related emails had I received? What documentaries or movies had I watched about the sea or sailing or swimming? Did any of my artwork portray boats or ducks or mermaids or bodies of water?

This exercise was fun and encouraging, and it also inspired me to take a boat ride, go to the whaling museum, and go to Bodhi Water Spa with Rebecca during my birthday weekend in August.

If you want to see if you are true to yourself, I recommend you try this exercise:

List your identities.
Pick one you particularly like or want to explore.
Look for evidence in the places listed above and others of your choosing.
Figure out a way to add some more “evidence” in your life.

Giving up deciding who to be, and instead committing to being myself is a lot easier and so much more fun! Perhaps this is simply reframing, but if it is my identity we are framing or reframing, please make sure that we include a duck and a sailboat in the picture.