Giving Up Labeling Myself Negatively

Post #2 of 40

Giving up labeling myself negatively

The week before Lent in the early 2000s, office conversations were turning to what we were going to give up for Lent. I didn’t want to give up anything. I had tried at one point to give up Diet Coke, but that had lasted about 3 hours. Seriously.

After my failed attempt to give up Diet Coke, I decided giving up wasn’t for me. Indeed, I was giving up giving up.

During the pre-Lent conversation, my colleague Cindy admonished me for always adding roles, responsibilities, meetings, activities, and Lenten practices. I wasn’t ready to try to give up Diet Coke at the time - the biggest addiction I had in my life, but I knew that I often talked badly about myself - in my head and aloud. I knew the way I talked about myself wasn’t healthy, and it certainly wasn’t setting a good example for my kids, especially our teenage girls. My big challenge was to stop saying, “I’m so dumb” or “I’m so forgetful.”

So, that year I gave up labeling myself with negative adjectives. If I made a mistake or forgot something, I used a verb to express my frustration. “I’m so dumb” became “I don’t know how to do that.”

“I’m so forgetful” became “I forgot to bring that report.”

Extending this practice, this “giving up,” into my home life was next.

I started paying more attention to what I said about myself at home, and then I started noticing our daughters and my husband saying negative things about themselves. I decided my go to response would be, “Please don’t say that about my daughter.” And, to Tom, I’d say, “Don’t say that about my husband.” Before long, the family got on board and began using the same phrase on me: “Please don’t say that about my mother.” or “Don’t say that about my wife.”

I still struggle with the self deprecation and accepting compliments, and in some circles thinking positively about self or accepting a compliment with a “thank you” could paint me as an egomaniac. Being kind to myself in word and in deed is a goal, a practice, one worth working toward, and giving up, “I’m so dumb” isn’t as easy as I wish.

Giving Up

Post #1 of 40

An Introduction

For twenty-plus years, I have journeyed through decluttering tangible objects. I have read every decluttering, organizing, and feng shui book. I have watched the Netflix shows with rainbow themed organization systems and the ones that instructed me to thank each unmatched sock for its service prior to tossing.

Until I hit my forties, I had not really considered decluttering the intangibles, though. Other folks would give up things for Lent, but I would say, “I’ll take on a new practice.” It wasn’t until a colleague laughed and said, “Of course, you will,” when talking about Lenten practices, that I clearly saw that my tendency was to add and add. After that, I began noticing what I did need to give up - from bad habits and negative self talk to Diet Coke and eye rolling.

In 2021, I decided to write a book about all the “things” I had given up since making that decision. And, instead of writing, I dreamed and brainstormed. Now, two years later, I have nothing to show for this book that I had decided to write.

Here we are at Lent, the season in which I realized that I am more comfortable collecting than relinquishing. I don’t know if I will ever get that book written, but my Lenten practice this year, 2023, will be writing 40 posts about “giving up.” And, who knows, maybe at the end of Post number 40, I will tell you that I am giving up on the idea of writing a book!

Is it time to let go of your dead plants - those literal and figurative dead plants that are taking your time and resources?

A few notes for the readers:

Please note that the connotation most people have about the term “giving up” is not lost on me. My contrarian side embraces the way the term is jarring and the way that it has a negative connotation. I do like the element of surprise!

I hope readers will embrace this writing because accountability helps me complete tasks. Setting this goal in a public way (not very Biblical, I realize) and with time-bound, specific and measurable details is quite purposeful. If I actually want to do some writing about Giving Up instead of just thinking about it, this is the method I will need.

Thank you for reading this far, and please let me know your thoughts, questions, what you have been giving up and what you wish you could/would give up.