Post #2 of 40
Giving up labeling myself negatively
The week before Lent in the early 2000s, office conversations were turning to what we were going to give up for Lent. I didn’t want to give up anything. I had tried at one point to give up Diet Coke, but that had lasted about 3 hours. Seriously.
After my failed attempt to give up Diet Coke, I decided giving up wasn’t for me. Indeed, I was giving up giving up.
During the pre-Lent conversation, my colleague Cindy admonished me for always adding roles, responsibilities, meetings, activities, and Lenten practices. I wasn’t ready to try to give up Diet Coke at the time - the biggest addiction I had in my life, but I knew that I often talked badly about myself - in my head and aloud. I knew the way I talked about myself wasn’t healthy, and it certainly wasn’t setting a good example for my kids, especially our teenage girls. My big challenge was to stop saying, “I’m so dumb” or “I’m so forgetful.”
So, that year I gave up labeling myself with negative adjectives. If I made a mistake or forgot something, I used a verb to express my frustration. “I’m so dumb” became “I don’t know how to do that.”
“I’m so forgetful” became “I forgot to bring that report.”
Extending this practice, this “giving up,” into my home life was next.
I started paying more attention to what I said about myself at home, and then I started noticing our daughters and my husband saying negative things about themselves. I decided my go to response would be, “Please don’t say that about my daughter.” And, to Tom, I’d say, “Don’t say that about my husband.” Before long, the family got on board and began using the same phrase on me: “Please don’t say that about my mother.” or “Don’t say that about my wife.”
I still struggle with the self deprecation and accepting compliments, and in some circles thinking positively about self or accepting a compliment with a “thank you” could paint me as an egomaniac. Being kind to myself in word and in deed is a goal, a practice, one worth working toward, and giving up, “I’m so dumb” isn’t as easy as I wish.
